A Work in Progress

Man oh man, has God been working on me lately! I feel like there are so many things that God is telling me and trying to change within me that it can feel overwhelming. The biggest challenge lately is simply to have faith in Him. Do I have faith? Of course I do! But do I still worry? Yep. And I know that He wants me to worry about nothing and give everything to Him. Anxiety has been a lifelong struggle for me but God has freed me of so many little worries over the years. But what about the big stuff? Things like losing a close loved one or the thought of me passing and leaving my children motherless. I know I should have complete faith in the the Lord's plan but those things still terrify me. And I feel guilty even admitting my anxieties because a "good" Christ-follower shouldn't have here fears, right??

Ultimately, I felt these same fears after having A and experiencing several weeks of complications. The Lord healed me but also blessed us with another child which we weren't sure we would ever have, especially in the early days after A was born. But I face some of the same challenges and risks again, plus a few new ones. Stastistics are on my side that all will be well. And I trust my doctor. But I am still anxious. I realize that everything is ultimately in God's control, though. I have prayed many nights about everything with this baby and I generally feel like all will be well...but then that fear creeps in. So I pray some more. The big prayer I have been praying recently is just to hear God's voice over the enemy's. I feel confident, calm and assured that all is well and will be well when I focus on God's voice. Then, the enemy creeps in, exposing my vulnerabilities and bringing in his friends, doubts and fear.

God reassured me in a big way recently during my daily devotion. I have been reading Jesus Calling and love it. While praying for several days about my guilt regarding my fears, God gave me this devotion:

Yes God, I hear you. What is God working on within you?